Consuming Fire

“The LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God (Deut 4:24)

Hey again from Montana! I miss all of you and hope that life is going well and I cannot wait till we meet again. Sorry it has been a long time since I have updated my blog. I will do my best to make up for it and write an extra long extra detailed account of the crazy things God is doing. I want to take a minute to reflect upon the past few months and give you a little glimpse of how God is transforming me with his word. Thank you so much for your prayers and support. God is doing a mighty work in me that will change the rest of my life. Everything I say in this blog entry are things God has impressed upon my heart after studying his word for the past five months and some of these things I will share in that way fashion but others I will just direct towards you the reader. So here it goes:

During the week of Revelation the speaker repeatedly told us that what we needed was a vision of Jesus, to have our lenses taken off, the curtain pulled back, and to behold Jesus clearly. As I began to seek the Lord and cry out to see him clearly crazy things started to happen; I actually began to see him and I will never be the same!

After we finished studying the NT I began to truthfully look at scripture for what it said and started comparing it to my own life and honestly it didn’t add up. Being a Christian is hard core! People live and lose there lives for Jesus. As God was searching my heart I began to have the question role around my mind, “how much has Christianity cost you?” After seeing countless men and woman in scripture who gave everything in order to follow God, it was time for me to ask my self “Sam, how much has Christ cost you?”

How would I respond in the situation of the rich young ruler? “Jesus I am willing to surrender almost every area of my life to you, but my retirement fund, or that vacation money; you cannot seriously ask for that, that’s mine!” Jesus whispers back “sell everything you once pleasured in, everything you once sought after and come follow me.” What is our response to that type of Christ? It costs you everything to follow Christ! Do you honestly think you can come out of this unscathed? Can you read the Bible and see Christian history and honestly think you are not going to have to lose everything for Christ?

“How is it that you seek a way that is different from that of the royal road, which alone is the road of the holy cross? Christ’s entire life was a cross and a martyrdom, and you look for rest and pleasure?” (Thomas a Kempis)

Jesus demands everything of his followers! Christ is not the icing, he is freaking everything! Many will come before the Lord and think they knew God, think they even ministered in his name, but God will tell them to leave his presence because he never knew them! What will Jesus say to you?

How does popular American Christianity stand up to the litmus test of the Bible? God burns with jealousy over the American church. He burns with jealousy because his people are more captivated by sporting events and are more entertained by sin than they are of him. Jesus roams the aisles during Sunday services observing his people in ecstatic bliss while talking about a football game, but nervously glancing at there watches while his word is being preached. God watches two hundred plus people show up early for a barbecue and five attend a prayer meeting. Where are our priorities? How much of our lives are honestly consumed with Christ? Is Christ just a convenient religion that makes our life better or is he everything to us?

Some people might interject, “Sam are you serious, you’re being a little harsh, maybe even legalistic.” To that I respond, “Have you honestly read the Bible?” The man we say we model our lives after was killed and his followers whom we want to be so much like followed in his stead! After going through the Pentateuch it is a temptation to be deceived and say “Wow the Old Testament is hard core, boy am I glad God is not that serious today!” But have you honestly read the New Covenant? God calls us to be the freakin sacrifices! Human sacrifices! And we haven’t even begun to comprehend what that means!

What do you laugh at? Do you make light of sin? Are you entertained by movies that make light of sin? What do you anticipate? What do you enjoy? What is the first thing you look forward to in the morning? What do you spend your money on? What’s heavier; Gods glory or your comfort? What’s louder; the voice of the Spirit or the voice of your flesh? How much has Christ cost you? Do you love the things God loves and hate the things God hates?

We cannot pretend to desire God more than sin. We need to pray to see God clearly, to have our individual curtains pulled back and bask in his reality. Then once we begin to even see a glimpse of God clearly, we will fall on our faces in repentance over that fact that we desire anything other than God.

For the past few years I had lived desiring sin and God began to address that in my life. God longs to be the only desire in his children’s lives and anything other than that he is jealous. He is so serious about our attention. What if I was married and came home to my wife and said “honey I have to admit that all day long I have craved to have sex with so many other woman, but have chosen not to because I am committed to you?” Who wants that type of love? Does God look at our lives any differently? God does not want Christians to live desiring sin. God wants true repentance; a turning away from the things we used to love and growing in consuming love of Jesus. As I have been reading Gods word and allowing his Spirit to guide me in truth the desires I once had for sin have been replaced by a consuming passion for God. God has been showing me that the degree that we surrender and let go of the things of this world is the degree that we have him. I cannot get enough of him; there is a craving in me stronger than anything I have ever experienced which is violently taking over everything in my life!

I had been praying that God would not relent until he had it all. And last night the reality of exactly what that meant came crashing down on me. God answered my prayer and he actually asked for everything (imagine that!). Yesterday I watched an interview with Misty Edwards and she was describing how she devoted ten years of her life to primarily seeking God in prayer. As I lay down to go to sleep last night I began think, “what if God calls me to do something similar? What if God called me to dedicate ten years of my life to celibacy? I began to think of the implications; I wouldn’t be able to be married until I was 31, that would be tough but it would be doable. Then I heard a whisper, what if God called me to committee my entire life to following him in celibacy and poverty, would I be willing to lay those desires down for the Lord? Is he enough for me? Will he alone satisfy my heart? After thinking of the implications with a knot in my stomach I told the Lord that if he took away my sexual desire I would be willing to make that commitment. Then I felt God respond, “what if I do not take away your desire for a spouse or your sex drive? Are you willing to give me everything? Are you willing to give me every desire? Are you willing to lay down everything your flesh desires for me? I am jealous for you to want me and ME ALONE!” Oh God was so heavy at that moment as the reality of what he was asking of me sank in. I imagined being seventy years old and alone. I imaged people casting weird glances my way because I was forty and single (I can even imagine the raised eyebrows of people skeptically reading this…). I laid in my bed wrestling with the thoughts and implications of exactly what that meant for a good two and a half hours. I believe it was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make, because I knew that once I told God I was willing, the very next instant he could ask me to make that commitment. Was I truly willing to abandon everything for Christ? Finally at 2:00 in the morning I got out of my bed and kneeled on the floor and gave God what he was jealous for. I told the Lord that he and he alone is enough for me. That he alone will satisfy my heart, and that if he asked me to make a commitment of celibacy and poverty for the rest of my life, he is worthy and I would be willing. At that moment the heaviness left and I was able to sleep.

Looking back on what God called me to surrender last night, I can somewhat relate to Abraham. Have you ever thought how crazy it is that God asked Abraham to sacrifice his only son Isaac? I am sure God could not have asked Abraham to surrender anything harder than Isaac whom he had been waiting for 25 years. Do we honestly understand the magnitude of that story? What is the Isaac in your life that God burns with jealousy over? God wants everything and just might ask for it.

Why did I write this long blog entry? I wanted to give you a glimpse of the mighty work that God is doing in my life through your gracious support. I also want to be a blessing back to you and hope some of my words encourage you to push harder into Jesus. Are you willing to join in with me in praying “God do not relent until you have it all?” I can honestly tell you that the most miserable times of my life have been the times when I am holding things back from God, and the times of the greatest joy have been the times when I have been living in complete surrender. I pray that you would not merely read my own encounters with divine jealousy but join in with me in living “less of me and more of you.” Run hard after God, set your sights on Christ, throw off everything that slows you down, and live and lose your life consumed with God. I believe that if this is our approach to life we can join in with Jeremiah the prophet in saying “the word of the LORD has brought me insult and reproach all day long. But if I say, ‘I will not mention him or speak any more in his name,’ his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.” (Jeremiah 20:8-9)